would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
did i walk over a car last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
