K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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