Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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