Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
