"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
