the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
NoShamevember. You game?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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