so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
