i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
