the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
