My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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