Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
