girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
