When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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