It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
