how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
