that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
