I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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