Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
