So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
birth control should be required to get into college
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
