Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
