What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
