my phone needs a breathalizer
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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