nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
