I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
