I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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