I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was so not down for the gang bang
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
