so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
