I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
