i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
