im about as happy as oj after his trial
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
