Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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