hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
