You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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