I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
