hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
