she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
