Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
