Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
