I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
