Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
