So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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