WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
