Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
