Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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