Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize