I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
