I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
