If i come over, it means nothing
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
