I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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