If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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