i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
