I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
