just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize