i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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