Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
