ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
