u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
soo... how was my night?
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