I puked a lego.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
