How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
