Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
