dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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