hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
