I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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