Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Panties = found
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
