That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
