He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
