If that was your dad, he is hot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
