loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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