Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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