life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
only you would photoshop your dick
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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