I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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