feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
