I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The feeling are messing with the penis
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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