i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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