Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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